you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
