Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
