sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My room smells like vodka and shame
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
