I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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