Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
