I cockslap morals
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
