Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
