As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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