So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
