Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
