i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
