i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I fill condoms, not promises.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
