Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
