i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
