He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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