just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
