Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
