i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
