I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I party with great urgency now.
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