whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We are all done wearing pants today
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
