This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
