I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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