and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
