Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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