My sheets look like a crime scene.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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