I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
