i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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