Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
