my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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