Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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