dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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