You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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