She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
