like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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