I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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