I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
