i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
