I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
