i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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