I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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