i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
