Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize