God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
