He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
