yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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