Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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