I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
