omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
