Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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