she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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